My Journey’s My Own

A Devotional

We have all experienced it in some way or another. Mom guilt. The little bitch that makes us feel “less than”. 

Every parent wants to raise children that love, are kind, are productive, and healthy. It’s the wish and prayer of mothers in particular. 

I have friends who start praying for their children the second they’re born (some before) and none, not at all. Because not everyone turns to prayer in the same way, at the same time. Just like parenting isn’t one style! There are several, right?

No two parents, no two MOMS,

function the same!

But we all….ALL….suffer from Mom guilt. 

When they’re infants: Am I feeding them right, are they on track, are they growing correctly, are they hot, cold, hungry, hurting, sick…..and on and on.

When they’re toddlers: Is it my fault they got hurt, don’t like the food they don’t like, am I feeding them right, am I disciplining correctly, are they getting enough interaction with other kids, are they growing correctly, are they meeting all the developmental markers…..and on and on.

When they’re school age: Am I feeding them correctly, are they reading at the right level, why are they hitting/being hit, why are they defiant, am I too soft or hard in my discipline, should I have held them back, should I have them evaluated for ADHD….and on and on.

When they’re teens: Why don’t they eat, should I check their phone, should their grades be better, are they in enough sports, have they tried vaping, drugs, alcohol, who are their friends, are they where they are supposed to be, AM I RAISING THEM RIGHT? AND ON AND ON!!!!!

No matter where you are in their lives, no matter the answer to the millions of questions there are, we will still have guilt over something!

Do you know why???

Because we are HUMAN! We screw up, we don’t do it all right, and we can not control these kids forever!

I’ve joked with my eldest that she was my “practice baby” but it’s true (as she’s finding out now that she’s a momma) There is no avoiding the fact that whether you have 1 or 20 kids, you will not be right in all the decisions you make. Kids get hurt, they choose not to eat, they are naughty (that’s forever BTW) they will experiment and push boundaries, and some will go on a completely different path that we did not choose. 

A child gets to a certain age and they become responsible for their own choices. They will sometimes choose people and actions that do not align with how they were raised. This is probably the worst kind of mom guilt. When you are dealing with this pathway. 

Well, I am here to tell you the following…….

MOMMA, you did the BEST you could with the GIFTS GOD gave you!!!!! 

You taught them what’s right and what’s wrong. You did okay. 

Give yourself some GRACE!

I can tell you that you are not alone. You are truly not. I know parents that took their kids to church, were always available to them, always understanding, always present…..and they have one child that is not following a path they expected. I know parents that were total and complete assholes, people that made me wonder if I should call CPS, who’s kids are amazing and productive humans! And I know total screw ups who had the best of intentions, who’s kids are great but have normal experiences that kids have but will be ok in the end. 

We all have something. But you have to give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Fill your tank first, you can’t support anyone if your tank is empty.

Find a tribe to share these things with (I am always open to talk, send me a message). Get out of your own space once in a while, this is especially important for new moms. Tell your kids how you feel, speak to them (age appropriate) about how you can be better or chill whichever the event calls for. For those of you with littles, just sit your little cute ass down, have a glass of wine and breathe! They’re fine! Let the fit happen, who the F cares. Let the hubs deal with it…..go for a walk, get out of the house, go out with a friend. Whatever will help you decompress.

FILL YOUR TANK!!!

And give yourself some GRACE. 

This season will not last forever and one day (hopefully) you’ll be able to pass on your wisdom to the next generation.

Actions

Write down all the things you perceive as failures, then burn them. This is a way of physically letting them go.

Sit your older children down, ask them if they think there’s anything they would like to see you improve, as a parent. (brace yourself…this could be interesting)

Find a way to fill your tank, because we all need that first. Imagine an airplane and the oxygen masks drop. You can’t help anyone without your own air. Fill your tank first.

Verses

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed” Mark 1:35

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Cor 6:19-20

“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16

“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6