My Journey’s My Own

Writing from my bed because it hurts too much to face a new day.

This week had some challenges and you came up more often than you have, outside of home, the previous few. We had to talk to others about you and it hurt to say certain words.

Some days are harder than others.

Then, this morning, I saw that it’s been 100 days since you left this life. 100 days since I could touch your cheek, kiss your face, hold your hand. It’s been more than that since I heard your voice.

I cry daily and fight the images that plague my kind.

The house has been so quiet and yet we feel you here. I love knowing you’re still with us in some way. Yet, I don’t want you to linger. I want you to be at peace.

Peace, I feel, will always elude me.

Your short life was so amazing. You had a way with people and you loved fiercely. People have said it’s because of how fiercely you were loved and I can absolutely agree with that.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

The rain has returned to our home after months of heat. Thunderstorms and lightning too. You always had a love for Gods creations in nature. Anything extreme drew you in. Whether it was a fiery sunset or a fighting salmon, they called to you.

I see you in natures beauty.

School begins soon. It’ll be my first time not taking your photo and begging you to smile. Watching your friends begin an new chapter will only make me long for you more.

Just another ‘first time’ of many.

So today I will fill my day with you, as I do most days. I think I’ll write out 100 things I loved about you and post it for others.

A mothers love never ends and it even breaches the grave.