Did You Prefer The “Old Me”?

If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times. Weight loss surgery changes people. So I wonder, did it change me enough for you to miss the old me?

So did you prefer the old me?

Did you prefer it when I was silent? When I was lazy? When I couldn’t walk up a hill without almost fainting?

wooden shoe 2012
At my heaviest. This is a hard one to look at.

Did you prefer it when I allowed you to speak horribly to me? When I wouldn’t defend myself or my kids for fear of being called “FAT”?

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At Merwin Lake 2012

Did you prefer it when I wouldn’t go on the walk, the trail or in the water? When I would sit on the sidelines pretending not to like that particular activity.

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Halloween 2009

Did you prefer it when I would eat my food and yours? When I would be so full I couldn’t function? When the scale would climb and climb and the clothes got tighter and tighter?

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Family picture 2016

Did you prefer it when I wore the biggest size in the store? Or better yet, had to go to a plus size only store? When clothes in the regular stores didn’t come in my size.

Did you prefer it I didn’t have an opinion about a work task or job? When I would just sit back and agree rather than stand out?

me 2012
One of many attempts to lose weight

Did you prefer it when you only saw pictures of my kids online? When I would go to great lengths to not have my picture taken? Or have “veto” power?

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Mulnomah Falls 2019

Did you prefer it when I made jokes about being overweight? Did you know I did that so you couldn’t? Because if I did it first, then you wouldn’t need to.

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Did you prefer it when I didn’t want to stand out by singing loudly or dancing? When I really wanted to enjoy music but didn’t for fear of how I’d look?

Did you prefer it when I would almost go into a full-blown anxiety attack at trying to sit in a stadium chair? When I was terrified someone would say something about the “fat” girl sitting next to them?

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Did you prefer it when I didn’t talk about my depression? When I would just always make it seem like everything was OK? Like I was FINE and life was always rainbows and unicorns?


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Another attempt at weight loss. My friends have always been my biggest cheerleaders.

Or, do you prefer me now? Because this is the real me. The one that’s been hiding all these years. And I’m here to stay.

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