In the grand scheme of things, my life has been blessed and I’ve weathered very few storms compared to others.
But this is my story, My Journey. My struggles are just as important to me as theirs is to them. They define who I am today and who I will become tomorrow.
As with anyone, if I were to sit down and list all the bad things that have happened in my life, it wouldn’t appear to be so charmed after all. Whose would? I dare say that if I listed all the good, one could argue that I should have no complaints at all. It’s all about balance.
Life is a series of checks and balances, and learning how to respond to the negative and the positive alike.
So how have I done so? I could be flippant and say, well I didn’t have a choice. But many know that not to be true. One always has a choice. I could’ve lashed out and been horrible to those around me, I could have turned to drugs or alcohol, I could have wrapped myself in a web of sadness and committed suicide. But I chose NOT to do those things. I chose to deal with the situation, learn from it, and lean on those who supported me.
There is no one answer for the question placed. I used several tools in my arsenal to arrive where I am today.
I chose to lean on my God. I turned to Him in prayer, in praise and in worship. Through some of the trials I have gone through I was angry with Him but not enough to turn from Him. I compare it to how a child gets upset with their parents for telling them no, they get upset but they don’t stop loving their parents. I was not liking the way my path was going but that doesn’t mean I was turning away from God.
I chose to lean on my family, specifically my husband. I’ve said it before, he has been so amazing in my life. He is truly a gift from God. He would let me cry, leave me alone and see me through my angry outbursts. The kids knew that if Dad was paying extra attention to me that I was probably having a moment and they needed to keep their distance and behave a little better.
There were times that this wasn’t an option. And not because they wouldn’t have been there to encourage me or to support me, but because I didn’t know how to confide in them or to ask for help. When I was a young girl, I didn’t know that I could’ve gone to my mom for anything. I didn’t know because she was already so full of worry. I would never have burdened her with things that, I felt, weren’t worth her time or worry. Now, without her, I wish I could go back and lean on her as a youngster and let her be the rock that I know she wanted to be.
I also leaned on my village, my friends. They came to hospitals, they provided food for my family, they took my kids to and from their activities. They prayed for me and with me. And most importantly, they did this because they love me and my family. These people are irreplaceable in my life and they are MY PEOPLE!
I sought help from my doctor. When I honestly felt like I was not going to make it. I spoke to my doctor and through lots of conversation and tears we decided that a anti-depressant would be a good choice. If you’ve checked my Bucket List Blog Entry, you know that to be rid of that medication is on my list. I’m almost there barring any more life shattering events.
So how did I do it?
I just did. By utilizing the people in my life and seeking the Lord at every turn, good and bad.
I don’t claim to be perfect, not by any means, but I do claim to be strong. And that’s something I haven’t always been.
Let me know if I can be any help to you, no matter what you’re going through. ~ Sandi