My Journey’s My Own

I am so sorry. I know this last year has been the hardest of your life. Losing your brother is so very unfair and at the same time you’ve had to deal with so many other changes, including having your parents change who they are.

We want you to know that we love you, you’re still important, and we are so very proud of all three of you. You are the reason we survived this loss. You are the reason we get up each day and function. I know it’s been hard to watch us grieve. I know you haven’t wanted to talk about him because it makes us sad. We want you to talk about him, we want you to grieve for him, but don’t worry about us. You have the right to mourn.

We recognize that most of the year has been about him. The writing, the posts, the memories, the events. I won’t apologize for them, but I will tell you they were extremely important and needed to happen. However, I hope it never made you feel forgotten.

The four of you were so close. As crazy as the last few years were, you all were so important to each other. One of my memories just reminded me of how it was when you were all still at home together…

“No matter how much my children fight, I love that they all still hug and kiss each other good night.”

Although we will never get over missing your brother because this isn’t a pain you ever “move on” from. Our promise to you three is to be more present. To re-join the land of the living. We will mourn forever, we will have moments of grief that we won’t be able to control and we ask for your understanding when those moments hit. We also want you to come to us when you have those moments. We are your parents and we love you more than anyone else on the earth, it’s a love we can’t explain but it’s felt so deeply. We are also the only ones who understand how you feel, just as you understand each other. I know you lean on each other, and that makes me so proud. I think this loss has brought you all closer.

We love and adore you and we hope we can all move forward in our lives and find some peace and healing. I know he’s watching us and he’s still here just differently. I feel him…I hope you do. And never forget, all three of you share the same memories of him and of each other, once Dad and I are gone, you will be the ones who remember us as well. Stay close, love each other, be present in each other’s lives. Family, like ours, lasts forever and can endure anything.

~Mom