My Journey’s My Own

A Devotional

This devotional was supposed to be a bit different. When life throws you into your own personal hell it changes some of your views.

With the death of my 16 year old son, my hind site is more than 20/20. I have an unbelievable amount of regrets and guilt. Mostly around parenting. That’s why this devotional is different. I had every intention of talking about how to raise a hard teen and being gentle with them and finding ways to reach them. However, now I may be a smidge harsher. As I truly believe he died because I was too weak and frightened to instill tough love when I should have.

Raising children is hard work and it’s not for the weak. Having strong rules that you enforce and being a partner with your other half is vital. Children need and crave boundaries from infancy. We have these rules in place for one basic reason, safety.

We are here to keep our children safe as often and as well as we can. Every parents dream is to get them to adulthood unscathed. However, accidents happen. Children get hurt, they push the limits, they can’t live in a bubble. So we are there to kiss the boo-boo, bandage the cuts, and listen to the broken hearts.

When they become teenagers the rules change almost overnight. Most teens no longer seek their parents out but go to their friends. We become the outsiders, never knowing what is going through their minds let alone what’s happening in their lives. This is when it’s crucial to keep those rules in place and enforce them.

There are so many “experts” out there with advice on how to raise a teenager, and I often wonder how many have actually done it? I have raised three with my fourth headed there sooner than I’d like. And the one thing I’ve learned is to always parent. I’m their mother, not their friend. I want them to come to me with their problems but they need to know that my advice will always be ADULT advice. I will attempt to always be truthful with them but from a parental standpoint. I hug them daily, kiss them daily and tell them I love them so many times that it can seem uncomfortable. Too bad…they will get over it.

I’m simply going to list our rules for our kids. I advise you to make your own and go over them with your children, and be clear they are not up for discussion or debate. This is not a democracy.

• Know where they are going. Locations are to be turned on at all times, if they are off we come find you. Privileges are then taken away.
• Phones are a privilege. Respect them or they’re gone. (I don’t care about your Snapchat streak)
• Random phone checks. Prepare yourselves for what you might see.
• Know their friends and the parents. Do not fall for the “parent texting you” kids have a way to use fake numbers and text you themselves (yes this has happened to me)
• Parents make plans, not kids (this is for the younger kiddos)
• Curfew is not debateable; be home on time or your privilages are gone
• Chores must be done before you leave.
• No eating in bedrooms. (ok I admit this is one I can’t seem to enforce, but it drives me nuts)
• Manners are important and must be used at all times especially when you are in someone else’s home.
• We will pay for your gas when you are doing things we ask (school, errands, driving siblings) if it’s something you are doing or your friends are asking for rides, you pay for gas.
• The better the grades the more freedom you have

I often think of how God must feel as he watches us. He gave us a set of rules (Exodus 20: 2-17) and honestly they don’t seem hard to follow, and yet few do.

He must get so frustrated and sad when he watches his children. I often think that’s why he makes raising children so hard. So we can see a little of how he feels when he watches us.

His love will never waver and neither will ours. Even when they don’t follow the rules, act out, act badly, or disappoint us. We still love them. We would still give our lives for them. Shield them from every heartache if we could.

Hug your babies mommas’. Tell them you love them, but always parent first. The rewards at the end are worth it.

Exodus 20:2-17 “The Ten Commandments”

Proverbs 22:6 “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

1 John 3:18 “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

Colossians 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”

Actions/Questions

What’s one thing you could change about your parenting that would make life easier?

Have you told your kids you love them today?

Put your house rules into writing and share this with your children. Post it in your home for reference.

Try to be on the same page as your partner when it comes to rules and parenting. Do not undermine each other.