Crisis or Awakening?

Some say when you hit your 40’-50’s it’s likely that you’ll have a midlife crisis. But is it a crisis?Or, is it an awakening.

Having turned 45 I can honestly say that there are times that I feel I’ve not been living my best life. I’ve not been living a bad life, but it’s mostly been for other people.

Getting married early (19 years old) I never had the independence that so many people get to experience. I went right into being a wife and soon after, a mother. Valuable experiences for sure, but that meant that I was not my sole focus.

I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that a mother should put her family first and herself second.

But after a while, I found that I didn’t know who I was anymore. Or did I ever know?

So, I began a small voyage of self-discovery. I started to explore who I am. What do I like and what do I like to do? What foods do I really enjoy, what sounds make me smile?

Not only have I discovered and continue to discover who I am, but I am starting to show my children and my husband who I am.

Discoveries such as these can sometimes result in outcomes that are unfavorable. Divorce or separation, addiction, over spending, binge eating, serious depression, if not suicide.

Thankfully I am not having such severe issues. I am not running out and buying a sports car or motorcycle, I’m not spending ridiculous amounts of money on things I don’t need. I’m not heading off to the plastic surgeon for Botox or a facelift.

I am simply trying to live a better life. 

I’m purging the junk. The physical junk like old items I never use, old clothes, old unread books (those are few), furniture that has a better life waiting for it at the Goodwill. I’m also journaling and writing a lot more. I’m reading my Bible more. I’m taking little trips with my family to make memories. I am trying to slow down.

I am trying to take one day at a time and one task at a time. I’m becoming an expert at being me.

I think the path to self-discovery is a treacherous one, as you never know what obstacles will be hurled at you. Yet, it can be so enlightening.

I have discovered things that shock me to my core. I am deeply in love with my husband and value him especially on those days I’d like to choke him.

I love being a mom and it’s the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. It takes the most patience and extreme problem solving of any job that exists.

I also love my job, with it’s never ending struggles, I love the work. Sometimes the company helps me forget that it’s the work I love not necessarily the place it’s done in.

So I’ve decided that for me, it’s been an awakening and a far cry from a crisis. I wish this was true for everyone, but alas it hits everyone different.

I will try and age with grace, be feisty when it’s needed and constantly learn. Because “mid-life” means the best part is yet to come!