Freedom Friday

Freedom doesn’t come free. It comes from hard work and sacrifice. In the end it’s always worth it.

I need to be freed. Free from my depression, my food addiction and my self doubt.

I’m working on all of them.

Depression: It’s a bitch. Just when I think I might not need my medication anymore it creeps back in. Like a thief coming to steal my happiness, my hope and my ability to monitor my mood. Back to medication I go, and that’s okay. It’s better than self medicating with my drug of choice, food.

Food Addiction: Surgery helped of course but it didn’t fix my mental want for food. Those cravings are still there, sometimes I cave and pay for it. Pain, bloating, slight weight gain but mostly, guilt. I ate my feelings for so many years that I am still re-training my brain to choose something else. A work in progress for sure.

Self Doubt: This is a constant and horrid battle. I spoke poorly to myself and about myself for so very long that I sometimes forget to congratulate myself on what I have done. It’s so easy to fall back into bad habits. Look in the mirror and find the faults, eat something unhealthy and berate myself, scale doesn’t move…well you get the idea. I also call it my “fat brain”. Because when I was morbidly obese I had a different though process than I do now. But like a history book, it keeps going back to the most read section. It opens oh so easily and is right there ready to derail any joyful thoughts I might have. Many struggle with this affliction as well. Especially those who’ve gone through surgery. A battle I’m determined to win!

My freedom won’t come free or easy but I’m willing to put in the work to obtain it. Are you?

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