This Journey began in 1997 with the birth of our oldest child. She is amazing and a struggle all at once. They all are. I have four children, ranging in age from 15 to 2. Crazy is a term that most definitely defines my life.
When ME was born we were thrilled. We were just getting ready to start fertility treatments when we found out about her. She was our little princess. She had a smile for everyone and was obedient. She rarely got into trouble. We had so much fun, she and I. I was blessed to be a stay at home mom during the first four years of her life. I was her entertainment and she was my sanity. I never understood why people didn’t take their children with them to things or why they complained about kids costing so much money. We didn’t seem to have that problem. She was perfect. Oh sure, she was my child. Which means, she had a lot of my personality and we struggled to see eye to eye a lot but it wasn’t really a problem. Then, she became a teenager! OH MY, did life change. She’s mouthy, stubborn, convinced she’s right all the time………did I mention that she was a lot like me? So we fight. More than I wish we did. But there are still those moments that I just stare at her and am so blessed to be her mom. She is constantly funny and sweet. She’s beyond helpful and she is so beautiful.
I always tell her that I don’t have favorites between my children, but she needs to remember that I have loved her the longest.
Then our sweet lil FA came along. Her story is very different and one I won’t repeat here (See previous blog). But before she was even here I loved her. We went through our own set of struggles early on. She had a very rough first couple of years, and those struggles did effect her. She was in constant fear of being left and she sometimes over compensates for that fear. But you will never find a sweeter, gentler soul. She loves her siblings almost to a fault, loves hard and fast, has no fear of strangers and will speak to anyone. This terrified me when she was littler. She is so smart and beautiful and she’s our little reporter too. If there is news to be told make sure you don’t tell her unless you want everyone to know. HA HA. She is also my girl, through and through.
We had an issue right before baby #4 was born. She had to be told that she didn’t come from my womb. It was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever had to do. I had to sit and comfort my baby girl as she wept and I knew that I had killed something inside her. She hated getting this news and in my opinion, she was way to little to have to take this news in. I couldn’t believe that I had to be the one to do this, and it wasn’t fair. And though this was the worst thing possible, we still came though it. She recovered well and now, 2 years later, it’s like it doesn’t matter. She has to be the most resilient person I’ve ever met. I am so proud and blessed that God gave me this child to love and raise. He has blessed me beyond measure.
With FA came our fist baby boy. AE, was only 2 months old when God sent him to us. He was our little man and oh wow, I fell in love with him instantly. I was blessed to have him in our home his first two nights out of the hospital. I shouldn’t have ever let him go, but God knew best. From the first night in our home to today he has captured my heart. He felt to me, like my soul mate. Now, I know that may sound odd but it’s true and I honestly believe that mother’s of sons understand this. There is just something about little boys that’s truly amazing.
But he is my most challenging child. Wow, has he been educational. He has gotten into the most trouble and he keeps me on my toes. AE has taught me that silence is not always a good thing, it usually means that he is into something. He is my stick wielding, truck loving, riding his bike like a madman, dirt digging, climbing, jumping, high energy boy. He has no clue that he is not my blood child and I think when he does figure that out it won’t matter to him. I think that he was always meant to be mine and I (again) thank God for giving me him to love and raise.
Then there’s our youngest, NA. His story is quite unique. After we had three children we thought “OK, this was God’s plan all along, we are good to go!” Well, He had other plans. We have had a hard time conceiving in the past, and have never tried to prevent pregnancy either. When I started to not feel right I went through all my symptoms and came to all kinds of crazy conclusions. Cancer, early menopause, some kind of gastrointestinal issue, but pregnancy never entered my brain. NEVER! But then I had a moment, when for some reason, it popped in. Well that couldn’t be it!? But low and behold, it was. I was pregnant with my 4th child. At 35! Wow, God is HILARIOUS! And the funniest part was, I was 5 months along already. Can you believe it? Neither could I. Within 4 days we found out we were expecting, 5 months along and that we were having a boy. We were in complete amazement. And he is as huge a blessing as his siblings. He is all boy and such a love. He copies everyone and that’s not always a good thing. He really has completed our family. He was what was missing, even though we didn’t know anything was missing. He is amazing!
And four is now my favorite number. I adore all of them and they each have their own place in my heart. Though there are times that I would like to run away and have time for just me, but that’s not God’s plans for mothers. We have a responsibility to raise these children as best we can. We need to raise them up to know and respect God and to be good people. Sure, there are times when we just want to cover our ears and lock ourselves in the bathroom with the fan on (or maybe that’s just me). But, this is our path in life. And I, for one, will take on this challenge and persevere. I will mess up and probably mess them up a little in the process. But we will get through it. And I wouldn’t change any of it!
Our Family 2018