An Ongoing Struggle

Why do potato chips still call my name? Why is the ice cream in the freezer still trying to tempt me? Sigh…..

It’s a daily struggle to not eat those things that used to be my friends. They would calm me and soothe the stress. But they would also permanently attach themselves to me, like a growth. (LOL, sorry)

As my ample back end would grow it wouldn’t occur to me that theses sweet and salty friends of mine were the problem. Because it wasn’t that I ate a lot. Right? Ever told yourself that?

Here’s some of my favorites: ” I don’t eat bad, I don’t understand why I keep gaining weight”, “I just lost 5 lbs, I deserve this treat (usually ice cream)”, ” I am the healthiest fat person I know” “I don’t care, I need this”, “Whatever, maybe I’m destined to be this weight forever”

OH MY WORD!?!?!?!

Who in their right mind would believe this? Oh RIGHT! ME! For years and years. I believed the crap I would tell myself. And yet, I would still just eat and eat and eat.

People would come into my clinic and I would think, “well they are going to weigh much more than I do” and guess what? NOT, they wouldn’t they would weigh less. SO then my brain asks “what must I look like?”

I soon found out.

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Me at 285! Yikes

I am the scrapbooker, the photographer. I am not in pictures. For a reason. I don’t like how I look in pictures. So I avoid them. But as I’ve started this journey I have realized something.

I need to get over myself. I need pictures. Not only for my children to know that I was in their lives, but for me. To see my transformation. And I have changed. I don’t lie to myself all the time anymore. I don’t avoid pictures, as often. And it’s helping to be able to share my journey with others.

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And again at 265, A little difference

Oh, I know there are a lot more people with blogs who lose weight and are super inspiring. I’ve read those too. I just hope that my experience will help someone other than me.

I was able to share my journey with a random stranger just recently and it felt so good. For once I feel like I’m really able to help someone and understand their struggle too. Because I’ve been there. Heck, I’m still there.

This struggle will go on forever. I will always crave Doritos and Pringles and BBQ Ruffles. (sigh) And I will fail but I will never again, sit down and demolish a whole bag alone, hide the evidence and then wonder where those extra 5 lbs came from.

Never again.

 

**Update 2018; Keep reading, as I have now had weight loss surgery and look amazeballs!